Monday, December 17, 2007

Arbitrary Impulse

I am tired of the procrastination, the lazyness, the inaction, the justification, the lethargy.
Thankfully there still continues to be the spirit of motivation to achieve the impossible and to face "out of the blue" reality. Does that seem unethical? Yes,certainly for the majority it does seem wierd. But who cares??

A lesson i've learnt in these 3 years of 'professional study' life. Turn your back on those who just Yap or boast about their qualities. It doesnt matter how many 'such category of' friends you have for they are helpless to help you. Hehe. The wisest thing to do is : Avoid them!

Well, I don’t listen to my well wishers. Actually, I don’t listen to myself either. Have heard and listened to the spiritual gurus, and was awakened and shaken to the core, and yet, had the most inactive weekend ever, fresh after all the inputs on the importance of being active in mind, body, and spirit! The silver lining, however, is that I am atleast aware and fully conscious of what I’m doing to my own self. So all hope ain’t lost just yet. Or so I tell myself and continue to wallow.

At times i feel the need to seek a shrink. Will it help dwindle the confusion? My good friend says NO. She says i'll become habituated to it. Obviously, I need a thorough shaking up of some kind. There has to be a solution. But the question is how? And that makes me more determined to find out the answer. So, what am I waiting for? A lifestyle disease to hit me in the face and force me to toe the line of discipline and care for my physical health? There are reasons all around me to care for my emotional and mental health. And yet I let myself rot away.

An added contemplation : Guess, its time to move to a new place where I don’t know anybody and no one knows me. Start life afresh. Shave my head and turn into a saint. Then new brains would grow inside my head just like the mane above it.

Well, the power of anonymity is I crave for new experiences. Fearing the unknown has only resulted in a state of stagnation worse than the unknown itself. This should have been the unknown to be fearful of!

I wish i could switch off myself temporarily like the mobile phones and be Unreachable for sometime. Wish there was a good enough reason to want to go away.
Its not that i'm running away from my identity. Guess its just that I’m tired Of the MONOTONOUS life I’m currently leading. There's simply nothing to do. I'm hell bored!

And what one longs for is a refreshing change. In all respects. New scenery, new things to learn, new stuff to do. What would it be like I wonder?? There’s so much I wanna do, yet no action is taken in the right direction. So many self-imposed
shackles. I don’t want to turn back the clock anymore. An exercise in futility anyway. Even nostalgia is not what it used to be. Might as well look ahead at the new and the exciting. Until of course that gets old too at some point.

Insomnia does indeed take the wraps off an individual. More often than not, a person is well-acquainted with one's self during these solitary moments when rest are peacefully asleep. That reminds me i gotta catch up few hours of sleep too to be able to attend the lectures tomorrow. Hopefully shall find temporary liberty in my dreams. Naaaah.. thats also not possible, will again be seeing those stupid forests, terrace and running feet. How brutal!
Optimistically, tomorrow will be better!

1 comment:

  1. Your blog impeccably reminds me of my own rantings about my hapless life in IITB.

    What you say is true. We all need a good shaking. Life's not fun if its all fun.

    I find this song by Mr. Luhrmann very inspiring:

    Especially the one line:
    "Do one thing everyday that scares you"

    Oh well, had a shaking experience recently.
    check it out on:


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